It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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