You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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