Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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