Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
