Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
