I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
