dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she pinky promised me she was 18
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
