Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
