thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
