The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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