it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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