the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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