My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
