Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
