Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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