My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
