someone threw a dead crab at me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
