Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
