Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
