the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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