just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
