When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
