wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
