Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm lost and stupid without you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
