You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
