Im at strip club and am horny
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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