Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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