My first STD was from a foam party
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
