That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
