i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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