So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
