she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He passed out mid-signature
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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