I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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