Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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