When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
