I think my fart just growled at me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
