imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
