Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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