he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
