Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
