actually, I'm a sock model
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
