don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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