It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
