Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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