Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
