do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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