if you like me you must not know who I am
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
