you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
