Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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