Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
