BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
