he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
