there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
